Bad Week
It’s Friday night. Â Sir came home a little while ago with K and J. Â I got sent upstairs to do my blog. Â I’m irritated about that. Â And I’m irritated at the power dynamic in the house right now. Â I’m trying to tell myself that I’m projecting because I’m pissed off about a power dynamic at work. Â But I’m STILL pissed off at home, projection or no!
And I’m pissed at K, which isn’t good. Â He and I can push each other’s buttons and… hey… I just realized I’m the only one besides his daughter that can really push his buttons. Â I’m not sure if that’s anything to be proud of.
So… If I go back downstairs, I’m going to be pissed at K. Â And a little at Sir, because… I don’t know why. Â He has the right to send me upstairs, I don’t have the right to be mad at him for it… Â But K doesn’t have ANY rights with me, so he shouldn’t have backed Sir.
I feel like… people see me as weak. Â I feel like people think that at work, too. Â And that’s… irritating, because the… most… assertive guy in my school actually has come to respect me and stands up for me, which is… kind of amazing, because, he’s kind of arrogant and he has the teaching chops to back it up, which always sucks. Â It sucks when someone is full of themself and they DESERVE to be! Â Because they you really don’t have much of a leg to stand on when you call them on their shit.
But anyway, so this guy who is the god of teaching and knows it, actually thinks I’m worth respecting as a teacher. Â So that must mean I’m not total shit. Â And I have good ideas, otherwise, he’d totally blow me off. Â Yet, I feel like certain people just talk down to me and patronize me… including my own teammate.
I know that she has issues and when she’s getting riled up that’s her coping mechanism, she gets really patronizing and irritable with me… but fuck, that’s not okay! Â You don’t get to patronize me because YOU’RE stressed out!
And my fucking principal does this… passive aggressive shit that I HATE! Â 90% of the time, she’s okay. Â But when she’s stressed or she feels like she’s being challenged, she’ll make these little cut your legs out comments and I really hate that. Â And she does it to me a lot. Â I need to learn to just keep my head down and my mouth shut. Â I’ve earned my tenure, so I don’t have to impress anyone anymore. Â Now I have to get my ass back out of the habit.
So… I had a pissed-off making two days at work and then I come home and I’m already stressed about Sir and he comes home and kicks me out of my own fucking living room and K BACKS HIS COMMAND. Â Fuck you, K! Â That’s not your place!
And he’s going to claim that it fucking is because he has seniority and he’ll pull Deaf culture rules on me and I’m going to have to hit him.
And I stepped on my glasses last night and broke the frame, so I have to take them to get fixed tomorrow, and I had to wear my contacts today and they give me a fucking bloody headache from hell!
I’M HAVING A BAD WEEK!
