• Ease

    Today is better.  Sir stepped things up today and it helped. The dishes are done and put away.  The laundry is done and put away.  The kitchen is clean.  The house is swept.  The fridge has food in it for the week.  I finished all of my school work that I needed done for tomorrow.  I’m writing my blog post and it’s not even 8. I still don’t feel totally connected to my submission.  And, even better, I think Sub Brother is struggling with his right now, too.  He didn’t say it, but I heard him sigh when Sir told him to do something today, and… he NEVER does that!…

  • Protect the Property – SJP

    I found some prompts for submissive journaling – Submissive Journal Prompts (SJP).  I don’t know how often I’ll do one or even if I’ll manage to be mature enough to do more than one before I have a tantrum and refuse to write to anyone else’s demands (ahem, not you, Sir!)  But, I’m giving it a try. This prompt came from a blog called Submissive Circle.  I just found it on a Google search and don’t read it.  It looks like it hasn’t been active for a while, but, hey, I know how THAT goes!  But there are a few prompts that didn’t seem too horrible for me to mangle…

  • Have you tried…? Rantiness

    I didn’t know what I was going to write about tonight.  I’m really exhausted.  The dysphoric state passed and today was…  functional.  Not terrible.  I didn’t have a lot of energy, but I got a few things done and didn’t feel utterly miserable the whole day.  So… win?  But my brain is literally exhausted and creativity is a non-starter tonight. Then I just checked Facebook while I was sitting here not writing and a friend, who is a very lovely and well-intentioned person, said something that pisses me off.  And I KNOW I’ve done it to other friends, so I really shouldn’t be pissed off… it’s almost a natural response,…

  • Back posting

    I KNOW, I missed a day.  I have failed in my commitment.  Sir says that is unreasonable thinking that leads to failure.  I say it’s just logic…  The world is a harsh place! He says post two tonight and call it good. I say, he lives in a very pleasant fantasy world that has no overlap with the reality in which I exist. And… I’ll just shut up and do what he says now… So, yesterday I fell asleep on the couch at 6:30 in the evening.  Sir dragged me to bed around 10… then I had a panic attack and couldn’t go back to sleep and laid in bed…

  • Social Media and Creativity

    I’m already hating my year commitment.  Clearly I was right and a week was way too long a commitment to make. Sigh. Today was an okay day… But I think I’m just done with the school year.  I’m going to pretend that’s what’s going on and this isn’t a larger, systemic problem… I just realized I lost my water glass between the kitchen and the office…  And this is my life. I found it in the bedroom.  Apparently I very carefully (with a coaster, even) set it out on the bed stand in the room I was planning to NOT be in for the next hour.  I’m sure sub brother…

  • Perspectives

    I finished another school year.  Thank god!  It was a better year than last year.  And my transition (I am famously terrible at transitions) has not been terrible.  I glitched slightly today, but Sir made me stand in the corner (“meditate”) which is his new thing, not as punishment, just as sensory deprivation and forcing me to do some kind of meditation practice.  

  • Being Sick with Sir…

    So… I managed to get a summer pneumonia, how stupid is that?  Sir took today off work to stay home and take care of me, which is sweet, as long as I don’t punch him…

  • Moments with Sir

    Me: (curled up on the couch whimpering) Don’t yell at me, I’m in pain! Sir:  (breathes deeply as if he can suck patience from the air) Let’s try this again.  What hurts? Me: Everything! Sir:  That is NOT informative!

  • An Exercise

    My therapist says that I dissociate by going to my intellect.  I detach from my emotions and become extremely intellectual, chasing my own logical tail until my paws are bloody… I’ve written three posts in the last three days.  Every one turns into a rant.  And an intellectual tail-chasing. She says when I do that, I need to look at what I’m avoiding feeling. Why would I want to do that?  Clearly I’m avoiding it for a reason!  I say let nature do its thing and don’t mess with it!