• Manic – Part 2 – Moments with Sir

    For someone’s birthday… since she wants to know… and because I keep fading to black… Sigh.  Happy birthday! This is the second half of Manic. *** The fog of dreams gives way to a replay of last night across the back of my eyelids.  I groan and throw my arm across my eyes.  It does nothing to stop the flood of memory and I pull my pillow over my face. Sir tugs it away and I cover my face with my hands. “What?” I can feel him shift in the bed beside me but I don’t move my hands. “Me!” He shifts again and I feel his fingers close around…

  • Imperfect Love

    I saw this today on Pinterest.  Sometimes it seems that when things are at their darkest, somehow something I need to hear falls in my lap.  At least that would be a nice thing to believe about the universe, wouldn’t it?

  • I am not a switch…

    I have said it so many times… I picture myself Nixon-esque in my denial.  And maybe equally dishonest…  Although not as intentionally as he was.

  • Euthanasia

    Some times that decision is easier than others.  Some times you can look at a situation and it rips your heart out of your chest but you know there is, absolutely, without a doubt, no other course of action but to end it all…  Other times… there is doubt.  Those are the bitch of a times.

  • Finding myself again

    I cried in therapy today.  Only a little.  I didn’t think I could…  I have this fear that if I let the pain too close it will break through the dam and it will be a tsunami of destruction, that I will never be able to pull it back again.  But I let it out a little, portioned it, by teaspoons, and somehow I was able to pull it back again, even though a couple of times I felt it swelling up against the dam.

  • Child Wisdom

    As my former partner and I were, today, trying to stumble our way through one of our first conversations since a painful and at times ugly parting of our romantic connection, his son was pouting over being denied (justifiably!) a particular sugary treat.  Eventually the four-year-old crawled onto the bed beside his father and told him, “I’m mad at you, but I still love you.”