• Doubts (and Moments with Sir – Pockets)

    Last night I said I would post my little moment with Sir.  Today I actually was looking forward to it.  I cleaned up the kitchen after dinner, got my tea, took my pills and came upstairs to write… And then I sat. I looked at Facebook.  I looked at websites.  I found a new header image for my blog.  I… didn’t write. And when I thought about writing I felt so tired.  And I finally realized I felt anxious.  I’m so used to the feeling in my gut that sometimes it takes me a long time to realize its there… the tight, cold, clawing of anxiety. A very soft, insidious…

  • Finding myself again

    I cried in therapy today.  Only a little.  I didn’t think I could…  I have this fear that if I let the pain too close it will break through the dam and it will be a tsunami of destruction, that I will never be able to pull it back again.  But I let it out a little, portioned it, by teaspoons, and somehow I was able to pull it back again, even though a couple of times I felt it swelling up against the dam.

  • Awe

    do you ever read something so simple and yet profound, something that touches a place inside of you, so deep that you suddenly want to die, because of the beauty of it? maybe that’s just me.