• Ease

    Today is better.  Sir stepped things up today and it helped. The dishes are done and put away.  The laundry is done and put away.  The kitchen is clean.  The house is swept.  The fridge has food in it for the week.  I finished all of my school work that I needed done for tomorrow.  I’m writing my blog post and it’s not even 8. I still don’t feel totally connected to my submission.  And, even better, I think Sub Brother is struggling with his right now, too.  He didn’t say it, but I heard him sigh when Sir told him to do something today, and… he NEVER does that!…

  • Candy Bar Wisdom

    K just came in a few minutes ago.  J dropped him off, is doing some shopping, then they’re headed to the mountains for the weekend.  They invited me but I really need to do homework. So he walks in and I am at my computer, where I’ve been sitting since 5 this morning…  Really, haven’t stood up (or hadn’t when he walked in) since 5 this morning.  He takes one look at me and says out loud with quite child-like glee while clapping his hands together (he’s got a silly streak like that) “JAMMIES!” 

  • Finding myself again

    I cried in therapy today.  Only a little.  I didn’t think I could…  I have this fear that if I let the pain too close it will break through the dam and it will be a tsunami of destruction, that I will never be able to pull it back again.  But I let it out a little, portioned it, by teaspoons, and somehow I was able to pull it back again, even though a couple of times I felt it swelling up against the dam.

  • Pain (self-injury)

    I’ve heard it took 49 days for the Buddha to become awakened. It took me a heck of a lot longer than that, and I only touched it for an instant. But I remember that instant. A flash, but not so dramatic. A flash without fanfare, so soft and subtle that it almost didn’t matter, and that meant everything.

  • Dying

    These are the words of my best friend who has acute leukemia for the third time.  He gave me permission to translate his words to English and to share them here. 

  • Child Wisdom

    As my former partner and I were, today, trying to stumble our way through one of our first conversations since a painful and at times ugly parting of our romantic connection, his son was pouting over being denied (justifiably!) a particular sugary treat.  Eventually the four-year-old crawled onto the bed beside his father and told him, “I’m mad at you, but I still love you.”