Personal Journal
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So… That happened…
Yeah. So. Life was sucking. Then a rapist bigot became the next president. I’m sure there have been other rapist bigots in the white house… but none of them quite so openly unapologetic about it. So… whole new world!Â
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Statuses I Can’t Post on Facebebook
Holy shit! Â I’m a slave and I just safeworded my Master…
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Recovery
So… Â I went on a little technology diet. Â And took sleeping pills. Â Appropriately, not like suicidally – it’s okay, I know I have to clarify things like this. Â Part of being a bipolar brain.
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Midsummer Night’s Mania
It’s July, I made it past the solstice, which is good, the ramping up/more sunlight every day thing is murder for my brain. Â But summer is still hard. Â There isn’t enough structure, even when I and the people around me work to create structure, it’s summer. Â I NEED some unstructured time or I will burn out and not be able to teach in August. Â But I also… don’t function well with unstructured time. Â And even the kind of structure I can create when I’m not working, (making plans, meals out, museum/zoo trips, social gatherings, daily chores, etc.) isn’t as strong as having a work schedule. Â So… Â I struggle. I’ve been…
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Saving the shit…
Things have been going rapidly to fertilizer around these parts. Â I’m losing my shit. Â Sub brother got horribly sick (like in bed for ten days) and barely back on his feet and behind at work… and losing his shit.
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Fighting Mania
I’ve been seated (by zombies) firmly in front of the computer. Â Sir was not as amused by my crazy inflatable arm man impression as he might have been. Â Possibly because I smacked my hand really hard on the wall and… kept doing it. It’s spring. Â Yes, despite the three fucking feet of snow outside right now, it’s spring. Â Spring means that the amount of sunlight each day is increasing. Â Increasing sunlight is my brain’s signal to GO MANIC! Â WOOOHOO!! Â Seriously, my doctor told me this every year… “The highest number of hospitalizations for bipolar are always in the spring.”
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Broken Toys
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Pride
I just took my glasses apart and put them back together! Â It took a long time and I was quite afraid that I’d undone them permanently (I couldn’t get the screw to go into the hole straight, then at all… Â That sounds quite kinky, but was actually just annoying and eye-straining…) But I DID IT! Â Now I have new nosepads that aren’t cracked and falling apart… and the arm/ear hook/side piece/thingy is all the way attached (instead of hanging half loose/half off). Though doing it may have actually necessitated a stronger lens prescription… still trying to uncross my eyes…Â I’m ridiculously proud of this accomplishment. It’s the little things in life,…
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Unfucking
I was told to write about my day.  I’m nervous about that because… because now S is reading and she’ll KNOW stuff!  😀  But I guess she signed on for that when she stuck around all those years ago after I “came out” about who I am.  And I guess she signed on for that when she wanted to read this blog, so… Sorry S!  You can totally cover your eyes if you want to… Today was Unfucking day.  It’s not as exciting (nor as kinky) as it sounds…  A while back we found an app called UFYH which stands for Un-Fuck Your Habitat.  Sir fell instantly in love.  I…
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Feeling Things
Hard week. Â I keep trying to smile through it, but… Â According to the therapist… and the Sir… and probably Dr. Phil (I don’t actually pay attention to things he says… but he probably says this…) simply refusing to feel bad feelings doesn’t actually make the bad feelings go away.
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When Life Gets Hard
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