Home Again

I know.  I am SO far behind!  In everything.

I’ve been home for… two days?  Three days… ?  It was the most surreal experience…  I got on a plane on Tuesday afternoon.  Flew overnight… And arrived on… Tuesday evening.  It took me a couple of days to wrap my brain around that.

I’m also struggling horribly with jet lag.  It’s worse than it was at the other end, which is weird, because the sun doesn’t even set until 10:30, and rose again at 4… where I was, but I adapted faster to that time change than I have to coming back home… despite normal daylight hours…

So, I’ve been dragging myself through, trying to stay awake until a decent hour to reset my body rhythm, but my body is resisting.  Around 2 in the afternoon, I start getting sleepy.  By 5 or 6 I’m feeling sick… like headache, nausea… it feels like seasickness or carsickness.  It happens when I try to stay up late (and I’m not manic).  Or when I don’t get enough sleep.  So then I spend another three hours feeling like shit, and fell asleep in front of the TV at 8 last night.  I’m doing well tonight, it’s past 9 and I’m still conscious.

I’m struggling with depression, too.  Probably because of the sleep thing.  And because of letdown from the end of a trip.  And because… just life…  But it sucks.  And I feel like I am just barely functioning and I have so many things I need to do and want to do and I’m not getting anything accomplished because I’m barely functional.

And… I got bad news from my doctor.  My woman doctor, not the one I’m pissed off at.  I like her.  But the blood tests came back and things aren’t so great.  She has a plan, and I have to meet with the guy doctor in a couple weeks again to go over other things, but it just sucks.  It sucks for things to keep failing and it sucks for treatment to not work, over and over, and it sucks to have to deal with all this crap forever.  And my best friend has to have surgery and I feel really pathetic to be whining about my problems because, clearly, I could be having surgery and I’m not!  I’m just… very tired and whiny.  🙁

I know I have a bunch of comments to respond to, but I just can’t tonight.  I feel like I’m going to throw up on the keyboard, so I’m going to call 9:15 a success and crash for the night.  At least I won’t have to adjust my sleep schedule back to a school routine when I go back next week…  Yeah…  Next week.

Sigh.

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