Recursive First Drafts

I know S doesn’t like the “Shitty First Drafts” idea, so this is for you, S.  🙂  I recently read an article by an author who is absolutely not on board with the whole “Shitty First Drafts” idea that is so common among authors.  It was first attributed to Hemingway who said, “The first draft of anything is shit.”  Then it was expanded by Anne Lamott in Bird by Bird where she said that the first draft is like letting a child play, it is unconstrained, just ideas flowing onto the page.

Now, this other author says that this is all fine and good and that most authors agree with this particular philosophy, but he challenges that it is not canon as it often seems to be.  He then goes on to describe his own writing/drafting process which… was amazingly like my own, and it made me think about this whole writing thing in a new way.  Also, a friend and I were talking about writing and revision and editing and I told her I never write a second draft of anything.  Like… ever…  Everything I’ve ever written was a “first draft” – something I have long considered a flaw in myself as a writer.  She was shocked and thought it “unfair” that I can write something “so good” without revising and editing.  And it made me think.

So, here’s what I’m thinking.  This author said that he doesn’t write shitty first drafts, he doesn’t even write shitty first sentences, let alone a shitty paragraph.  What he does is what I think can best be described as a recursive process where as he writes he is revising and planning and thinking.  That the revision and rewriting process actually happens in his head, and to some extent, on the page, as he is writing.  And as he describes, once he is finished he has a… decent first draft (not a shitty one) because he already spent all the time and effort to make the writing solid and strong as he was producing it.

To finalize his work, he then goes back through it and makes minor changes and tweaks, but the essential structure of the story and the bulk of the writing remains unchanged, as he was doing a recursive reading/revising/editing process throughout its creation.

This is SO MUCH like how I write.  And possibly why I find writing so exhausting…  I think about every word I choose to put down, how I phrase everything, how I shape every sentence, where I break sentences, how I begin sentences, the lengths of my sentences, and my paragraphs, the rhythm and “flow” of my language choices, and on and on.  I will often rework a sentence or paragraph several times before I continue, and sometimes after I take a break, I’ll go back and cut out the last paragraph or several sentences and start again to make sure the transition is even.

I have always perceived this as “perfectionism” and “inhibiting” which is really what we’re told as writers… as creators… perfectionism is the death of creation.  And I’ve always come to the end of a draft so sick of being steeped in it that I set it aside, literally, and don’t look at it again, or skim it only once for obvious errors, and then… don’t want to have anything to do with it anymore.

I’ve considered this a flaw, and my inability to simply “play” with writing, to write a “shitty” first draft to be a failing.  But, maybe it’s just a stylistic difference.  I’ve always been too afraid to do too much with my writing, to consider promoting it or trying to publish it (other than essays which I feel less emotional investment in).  I’ve considered writing instructors who thought I was a great writer to be… just… moved by my style, but willing to overlook my skill (lack of).

Now, I still fully believe that I could benefit from anything that helps me knock the sharp edges off of my perfectionism and reduces my (really unproductive) cycle of criticism and self-judgment.  But maybe “failing” to write shitty first drafts to a high enough standard of shittiness doesn’t need to be yet another nail in my perfectionism coffin.

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