Statuses I Can't Post on Facebebook

Holy shit! I’m a slave and I just safeworded my Master… Yep. That doesn’t go on Facebook. Totally happened though. It’s been a hell of a few weeks!

I keep meaning to post here more often, but… lately I haven’t even been posting anything anywhere. Life has been shitstorm busy.

I bought a house. That is a fucking ridiculous process! I wish I could swear off ever doing it again, but I’m sure that’s not going to happen, so I’m going to swear off ever doing it again in the first month of the school year, because, fuck me!

I also have some horrible disease, which is actually a good thing because I’ve had it since high school, apparently, just nobody knew I had it. So maybe it will be like having bipolar, that nobody knew about it so it sucked shit for years… then people figured it out and treated it, and it still sucked shit for years, but now, finally, it only sucks shit some of the time.

Of course, this means that life is going to suck shit with this disease for years, but… unlike bipolar, I can actually cure this one. Or at least, eliminate all the symptoms. It’s a genetic disease, so I can’t technically cure it, but it’s like my celiac disease… as long as I don’t eat gluten, I don’t really have celiac disease… not in terms of my daily life experience.

So with this new (old) disease, once I’ve cleared what’s wrong with me now, as long as I never get exposed to water-damage mold again, I’ll be okay. It’s just the clearing what’s wrong now that is sucking lots of shit. It’s basically like going through chemo, except… I’m not taking the toxic chemicals in, they’re already in me and I’m trying to force them out. So… reverse chemo? With all the same awesome side-effects…

And trying to move… Well… we moved into the new house last weekend. But most of my crap is still in the old house… which is where I am now typing this because the new house doesn’t get internet for another week. SERIOUSLY! TWO WEEKS to get internet hooked up! Fucking stupid fucking…

I’m on a cursing bender this weekend. Don’t know why, just in that kind of mood.

Talked to my bestie S. a couple weeks ago and she and her husband are doing this meal delivery thing… they like it. So I looked into it for my special crazy diet, and… something EXISTS to deliver my diet type of meals! Can you believe it? So Sir said we should just get it because cooking right now is more stress when all of us are already stressed. He’s actually doing the best because he doesn’t have any diagnosable illness unlike me or sub brother. But he’s just normal levels of stressed, because, you know, moving is stressful… and then add two partners who are highly sensitive to stress… well, even normal people start having problems.

So, we have decided I’ll order the autoimmune meals and he and sub brother are going to order paleo meals, to make it all cheaper, and because the paleo meals still won’t have my contact allergens like dairy and gluten… They’ll have nightshades and eggs which I can’t eat, but I can have them in my kitchen without worrying about getting sick from contact… so… yay! That will start on Wednesday, apparently.

Work is stressful. More than usual. Which is awesome since I have so many reserves right now from my personal life to help me deal with extra stress at work… /sacracm

Friday night I had a meltdown in my car after work. Drove home. Was an hour and a half after my time I’m supposed to be home… (not because of the meltdown, because I stayed at work an extra hour and a half on a Friday night). Sir pointed it out and there’s a standard punishment for when I’m late… it isn’t even that terrible… I know what it is, it’s been in place since last year… but when he told me, I panicked for some reason. I have no idea why… I didn’t outwardly panic, though, just to make things more interesting, outwardly I just stared at the wall and didn’t say anything to him.

He, reasonably, not knowing I was panicking repeated the order, at which point I tensed up my entire body, shook my head, said, “Red!” and ran downstairs for the front door. Sir, being the athletic bastard that he is, got down the stairs right behind me and managed to block me going out the door, which almost caused me a full out claustrophobic attack on the landing. Thankfully, he recognized THAT was happening, and to his credit, despite his sub suddenly acting like a lunatic, he remained calm and domly and to my, “I’m GOING FOR A WALK! LET ME GO! LET ME GO! I NEED A WALK!” he responded… “Great, I need a walk, too, let’s go.”

Holy Jesus. I don’t know how he lives with me sometimes.

He didn’t even ask me what was wrong. He didn’t even say anything for 20 minutes, he just walked with me. Which, of course, allowed me to calm down and begin to simmer in complete and utter guilt. So by the time we got back to the driveway, I sat down in the middle of it and started sobbing (totally normal sub behavior! Poor Sir…) So he sat in the driveway with me and waited for me to talk…

I must have great karma, and he must have terrible karma, for the two of us to have ended up together.

I feel overwhelmed with packing my stuff at the old house. I feel overwhelmed by even having stuff. I want to just get rid of all of it and live off of three changes of clothes and three sets of dishes. We moved the bedroom, so we have a bed and dressers and stuff. And we moved the dining room so we have a table and chairs. We have basic dishes and silverware. And we have survived a whole week! I say we call it good and forget the rest of the packing stuff.

Sir says that’s probably not reasonable (he’s not using any absolutes with crazy sub right now) but that it may be a good motivation to pare down as I unpack in the new house.

I have to fold laundry now. The new house has ink in the drier (somebody dried a ballpoint pen) and until we scrub it out, it isn’t usable. Sigh… So many things I can’t deal with right now. And sub brother is struggling, too, because, you know, moving and starting the school year is bad for people with anxiety disorders, too. He’s got meds, and he’s more stable than I am, I think, so he’ll probably recover faster, but for right now, we’re all just in survival mode.

Yay!

And because society is stupid, I can’t actually post this crap on Facebook. So… you know… sigh. Time to fold laundry.