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Fog
It’s Friday night… it was a long week. It’s been a long summer. I’m tired. Literally. My brain is exhausted. Â Bipolar has been running wild and dancing naked with anxiety and my brain is wearing out… which is not a great thing. Â My sleep has been improving but it’s not perfect, and not enough to help my brain yet.
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What ifs…
I haven’t eaten for three days. Â My mental processes may be compromised. I’ve had this pain on and off for a week or so, then so intense I can’t eat for the last three days. Â Call to the doctor got me, “Might be an ulcer, or pancreatitis, or just a stomach bug…” Â Helpful! Â Sir is insisting on a Kaiser visit tomorrow. I’ve just been trying to survive the week, but tonight, maybe because it’s a Friday, I went into fatalistic mode. Â Of course this happened. Â Of course I can’t actually do the diet that is my last chance to actually not die from this disease because for some reason my…
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Settling
Last night was, obviously, rough, but I talked to several good friends today and it felt so good to just… to reach out… and meet outstretched hands in return. Â It is still alien to me to share my feelings, to accept compassion, to… talk about… my real self. Â But it was positive and healing, and for those people and others who are probably wondering, I thought I would update today. Â Also, I’m trying to challenge myself to write every day. Â Writing a journal/blog post isn’t exactly my ideal of “writing every day” but I suppose when my baseline is “writing never” I will have to accept that any bar at…