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Greetings from the Plague Ship
So… yeah… Â It’s been shit around here. Â I got sick. Â Then SB got sick, then Sir got sick, then I got REsick, then Sir got SUPER sick, now I’m finally starting to feel better, SB is surviving through drugs, and Sir missed three days of work and is on antibiotics. Sigh. I just ate a shit ton of carbohydrates… like… 100… so.. yeah… fuck you ketosis… fuck you body… pretty much shitting all over you tonight. Actually I feel kind of bad about it now. Â And not because it’s against the rules, like… authentically I feel bad for hurting my body. Â That’s some kind of progress isn’t it? Â Sir just…
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Practicing Compassion
I’ve had a very rough few days, and Sir pointed out that while accountability to my writing is important, working on my self-compassion is also important and that we can work on a balance of the two. Â This weekend it felt like hostility to force myself to post and I was struggling with a lot of condemnation of myself for not living up to my expectations, but it felt incredibly helpful to give myself the time, consciously (not because I just let it slide off the bottom of the list) to take care of myself and not post. I did do some writing, just nothing for public consumption, and that…
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Fuck it
I’m in one of those “I hate writing, I hate this blog, why did I ever decide to do this, how long do I have left until the end of a year” kind of moods. Â I feel like… this is pointless, it’s stupid, it’s a waste of time, nobody cares, and I don’t know why I’m doing it. It’s been a rough week. And, of course…
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Unkind – SFD
“Lia…” I sigh and flop my head against the back of my chair. Â “I can’t!” “You can.” Â Sir turns another page in his book, the soft rustle grates on my nerves and I scowl.
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Behind the Curtain
Someone emailed me a question about whether, when I post a diary type entry and I’m in a certain mood or mindset, and then I post some intervening things that are of the non-diary variety, do I ever consider posting in my next diary about what happened between then and the previous entry – a sort of “When last we visited our heroine, she was clinging to the side of a cliff…” type of synopsis of the intervening time. This made me think about my manic episode a couple of nights ago. For those of you who saw that, I apologize. Sir went in the next morning and set those…
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Q & A Punishment
What emotions do you feel during a punishment? Wow, this is already hard, and it’s just the first question. Â Emotions can be different in different situations and at different stages of the punishment, but almost always sadness, anxiety, sometimes fear or panic at a certain stage. Â After being punished, a little while after I often feel peaceful, relaxed, relieved. Does punishment work? For what? Â It kind of depends on the purpose one is assigning to a punishment. Â For me, the purpose of punishment is to help me let go of my own rumination on mistakes I’ve made, and it helps me to feel confident in my place in my relationship,…
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Impulse Control
In this part of North America (USA and Canada) we have a holiday for labor. Â Yeah… a day off… from labor… for Labor Day. Whatever. Â I got chores done, lesson plans done, went to a barbecue, came home and have pork chili verde in the Instant Pot. Â Yeah, baby! Â We had a nice time with K and J. Â It was stupid hot, but… you know… that’s how we roll here. The instant pot makes little noises and totally freaks me out because I’m always sure it’s going to explode. Â And neither of the guys can hear the little sounds, so I’m running up and down the stairs to check on…
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Call for Questions
So, Sir got this idea and now he’s really into it.  Sigh.  He’s coming up with questions for me to do a Q & A post.  He thinks it will help me to put some language to aspects of my relationship that I struggle to explain well.  Um, and I know Adele always has questions, so this is her chance to ask them, too.  🙂  I took out the name and email fields, so it’s anonymous. Um…  Sir says he wants me to do these on a few topics (now that he’s had this brilliant idea… sigh…) so you can send a question about anything you want.  If it fits…
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Empathy and Puritans
We went away last night so I’m behind a post, but it was totally worth it! Â Sir planned it without telling us, he just said on Saturday morning to pack a bag for overnight and we got in the car. Â We stayed in a fancy hotel in the mountains, and we hot tubbed and we had an awesome night. Â It was really nice. Â And we came home today and got some chores done so all that I have to do tomorrow is some grocery shopping and… lesson plans, and we are going to K and J’s house for a barbecue tomorrow. Â So… it’s been a good weekend. Sir and I…
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Moments with Sir – Punishment Paddling
The light glints off the black case of my phone. Â I wonder at the absurdity of the mundane things my mind fixates on in these moments… Â The light on the logo of my cell phone case… The small scrap of paper on the desk. Â The reflection, warped by the facets, in the empty water glass. I should be scared. Â I can feel something, deep in my belly, like a snowstorm cold and blowing, but it is as if I am watching it from indoors. Â Watching through thick windows and sturdy walls, hearing only the faintest murmur of its roar, feeling nothing of its cold. I hear Sir move behind me…