Bad News

I got some bad news yesterday. And some bad possibility that won’t be answered for a few more days. And… I just… I just can’t.

I didn’t post last night.

I should do a back post tonight to make up for it.

But I can’t.

I can’t write now.

I feel like I’m living under the pendulum and it is only a matter of time until it eviscerates me.

And all the time until then I have to watch it come closer and closer knowing the inevitable end.

Someone told me today I would survive this, which… is a stupid thing to say. Surviving this is the last thing I want to do. Surviving means I have to be here to watch it all happen. I have to suffer and grieve and… still be alive with that grief forever.

I don’t want to survive this.

I don’t want to talk about it.

I don’t need anything.

I just can’t right now.