Canis Postpartum

Things have continued to be rocky, but… Sub Brother is collared! Yay! I can’t remember if I shared that already…

R-dog continues to be a pain in the ass when I’m at home… but manages fine when I’m gone, so… I guess that’s good. At night if I’m not playing with him he’ll bark, growl, climb on top of me, and tonight, start biting me.

Tonight Sir said we have to 100% ignore him, not even say “no,” just do absolutely nothing. I put on double sweatshirts (he only bugs me, not the guys as much), sat down on the couch next to Sir and started watching a TV show. R-dog started whining, then growling, then barking, then climbing on top of me on the couch, chewing on my hair, and trying to bit my arms… He just nibbles with his front teeth, so he only got sweatshirt. Sir put his arm around me and pulled me into him so R-dog couldn’t get to my face, and we… ignored.

And ignored.

And holy shit…ignored.

And he wandered off, and came back and tried again, and wandered off again, and tried again… and wandered off again and tried again… and then stood and stared at me for about twenty minutes, and then tried again…

The last few days I’ve had traitorous thoughts of almost wishing we hadn’t adopted him… almost wishing I could give him to someone else for a month…

I’ve been exhausted.

And on top of it all, I can’t sleep right. The sleep disorder I had that had responded to the medication has… stopped responding to the medication so… I get up every day more exhausted than the day before… and it’s now been… more than a month… and… R-dog sleeps through the night at least, but it doesn’t even help because my fucking brain doesn’t know how to off-switch itself. I manage to sleep without actually getting any rest.

But now, I’m typing at the dining room table, R-dog set his head on my leg for ten minutes (and I ignored him) and now he’s lying on the rug in the living room sleeping.

Holy shit.

Of course I took him to the dog park today to wear him out, so maybe it will be harder tomorrow… but… I’m maybe, possibly, slightly willing to concede the slim possibility that he might, eventually, be a less needy dog.

And, really, he’s not that bad… he doesn’t tear up the house when I’m gone, he’s learning his training quickly, he gets along with other dogs and people… He’s cute, he’s eager to please, he’s affectionate… he’s a great dog.

I’m just… so… tired…

And we’ll have to do it all again tomorrow.

Shit.

But the dishes got done.

My laundry got washed.

R-dog has been silent and still for almost 30 minutes, now…

I’m off to bed to… non-sleep again.

I don’t know how any parents ever survive their children… R-dog isn’t even half the burden of infancy, but holy shitballs.

I’m tired.