Miscellaneous

  • Fog

    June 23, 2017 / 4 Comments

    It’s Friday night… it was a long week. It’s been a long summer. I’m tired. Literally. My brain is exhausted.  Bipolar has been running wild and dancing naked with anxiety and my brain is wearing out… which is not a great thing.  My sleep has been improving but it’s not perfect, and not enough to help my brain yet.

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  • Drama

    June 18, 2017 / 0 Comments

    So… just because I literally have no one I can talk to right now… Let’s post on my blog (that angst and masochism came back even sooner than I expected, huh?) Living with two partners, in a triad, has a lot of advantages, like… almost always if two people are losing their shit, the third one is able to be some kind of buffer/voice of reason.  Which is a really nice perk! Except when that third person loses their shit, too, and then it’s not just having twice the drama of one partner… it is having an exponential quantity more drama.

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  • Fear

    June 7, 2017 / 2 Comments

    I had a few better days.  Today was… shaky, and tonight it’s falling apart.  I had therapy today and it was a particularly tough therapy day.  We talked about writing, and talked about what Sir and I talked about the other night and…  what I wrote, and my feelings, and what’s happening with my depression and my writing and my bipolar… I’m supposed to try to develop softness towards my fear.  We identified that I’m afraid of writing, maybe afraid of seeing myself… because writing is… who I am inside, and I’m afraid of seeing that, and the fear is creating the wall, and if I soften to the fear…

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  • Creepers

    June 2, 2017 / 0 Comments

    I got a friend request (on Facebook) the other day… from a guy… in another country (can’t remember which one).  Had never heard of him, so I went to check his profile to make sure it wasn’t a friend and I just somehow didn’t recognize him at first.  Profile basically say, “I’m looking for a wife” and has some pulled-off-the-internet marriage photos. So… not the highest level of creeping I’ve ever been creeped on, but… a little creepy. Every so often I’ll get a creeper on my blog.  Probably more often than I realize it, but sometimes it’s pretty obvious.  My host program gives me all the search terms that…

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  • Paper Dolls

    May 23, 2017 / 0 Comments

    https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FUpworthy%2Fvideos%2F1441035535953987%2F&show_text=0&width=560

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  • What ifs…

    May 19, 2017 / 0 Comments

    I haven’t eaten for three days.  My mental processes may be compromised. I’ve had this pain on and off for a week or so, then so intense I can’t eat for the last three days.  Call to the doctor got me, “Might be an ulcer, or pancreatitis, or just a stomach bug…”  Helpful!  Sir is insisting on a Kaiser visit tomorrow. I’ve just been trying to survive the week, but tonight, maybe because it’s a Friday, I went into fatalistic mode.  Of course this happened.  Of course I can’t actually do the diet that is my last chance to actually not die from this disease because for some reason my…

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  • Bumps in the Road

    May 7, 2017 / 0 Comments

    So… It was a pretty productive day.  Everything I needed to get done got done, and I did a little resting and relaxing in between.  But it wasn’t a super fast day…  I just don’t spend whole days doing chores quickly.  My brain doesn’t seem to be able to function that way, and usually I’m pretty good at celebrating days when I get a lot of things done (with a lot of breaks) because that didn’t used to happen.  I used to get overwhelmed by one thing and have a meltdown and that was basically my day.

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