Drama
So… just because I literally have no one I can talk to right now… Let’s post on my blog (that angst and masochism came back even sooner than I expected, huh?)
Living with two partners, in a triad, has a lot of advantages, like… almost always if two people are losing their shit, the third one is able to be some kind of buffer/voice of reason. Which is a really nice perk!
Except when that third person loses their shit, too, and then it’s not just having twice the drama of one partner… it is having an exponential quantity more drama.
And tonight, we get to have one of those rare occasions when we all three go apeshit together and shit has so hit the fan. 🙁
Sir just went downstairs to sleep on the couch.
He’s never done that.
He never did it when he and T were living with me.
It might be the first time in his life.
Sub Brother says don’t call K because then Sir will be more upset. But I just really really want to call K because I just want SOMEONE to be in charge! I need someone to fix this and say it’s going to be okay and things aren’t going to be shit forever. 🙁
I suck so bad at relationships!
Sub Brother says not to go talk to Sir, just leave him alone, but I don’t want him to sleep on the couch, and… I think he’s mad at himself, and he shouldn’t be, so I want to tell him that. But he’s mad at me, too, so he probably doesn’t want me to talk to him and Sub Brother doesn’t want to talk to him…
Why is life so hard?
I’m so tired.
And everything is so hard…
And I want to cut myself, and why can’t things just be hard without having to deal with fighting off that, too?
And I left my blue light glasses in the bedroom, so I have on my blue light goggles, and now all my tears are collecting in the bottom of the goggles and it’s going to turn into Alice in Wonderland in here really damn soon.
And I feel so lonely…
I literally have only four friends that I could call right now… who even know about my life and I could even tell about this, and two of them are K and J and Sir would kill me if I called them… and two of them are in other time zones where it’s even later than it is here (one of them is probably in tomorrow already). And… I have to get up early tomorrow and I HAVE TO go to sleep, so I can’t even talk to anyone even if they’re in this time zone… And I just…
I really really wish I could still cut.
🙁
