Irritants…

First, if my brother brings up… in the last two weeks of the school year… one more time… how I’m so much better off than people working “other” jobs because I get summers off… There WILL BE BLOOD!!!!!!!

Sir had to take the fucking phone away from me today while I was talking to my brother.  He hung up.  I had to go for a walk and do breathing exercises before I was allowed to even TEXT my brother back and say my phone had died.

Fucking seriously.  Tell you what.  You come do my job, I’ll go do your job.  How’s that?  You can have the fucking summer off if you can survive the Dante-esque gauntlet of the school year.  I’ll take the higher salary, better benefits, and distinct lack of politicians who know NOTHING ABOUT MY JOB telling me how I MUST DO MY JOB and setting me up to fail.  And you be a teacher.   If you actually survive nine months, the summer off will be the only way you will have the physical, mental, and emotional capacity to fucking go back and face it again in fucking JULY because NO WE DON’T ACTUALLY GET THE SUMMER OFF, WE ARE BACK IN JULY!!!!  So FUCK YOU!

Secondly, I’m so fucking sick of people’s (not my brother this time) incessant need to ARGUE WITH ME ABOUT MY OWN RELGION!  Why?  Like… why?  Is it that threatening to you that merely knowing of its existence requires you to slap me with a glove?  Seriously!  No, I cannot adequately explain to you the entire philosophy of a religion which has been around FOUR HUNDRED YEARS longer than Christianity in such a way as to satisfy every logical challenge you want to throw at it in a ten minute conversation.  YES, I can tell you you are wrong about Buddhism in that way, but NO I will NOT invest hours of my emotional labor explaining to you the complexities of an extremely complex philosophy which takes decades to even consider oneself a “beginner” at in order to satisfy your stupid need to make ignorant challenges to it.

I didn’t tell you to be a Buddhist.  I didn’t tell you being a Buddhist is a superior state of being.  I didn’t even WANT to tell you I was a Buddhist, I just made the mistake of not lying about it when you asked if that was what my necklace represents.  Mea fucking culpa.

And, additionally.  MINDFULNESS is not BUDDHISM.  It is a cognitive practice.  It is backed by MULTIPLE scientific studies.  Yes, it is beneficial according to science.  No, that DOESN’T mean you have to do it.  You can do whatever the fuck you want to do with your life.  When you show up at a mindfulness CLASS, you really must forgive the instructors for assuming you wanted to learn about mindfulness.  Obviously they should have known that people don’t attend classes to learn things.  People attend classes about things solely to bitch and make ignorant arguments about the fundamental value and purpose of things they don’t know anything about in the first place.  Why would anyone think otherwise?

Finally, unrelatedly, Sir’s phone buzzed today.  He looked at it.  Looked at me.  Said, “Your period is due in two days.”

I managed not to tell him to fuck himself or his phone.  I consider it my greatest act of restraint in life to this point.

Keto and/or the new drugs seem to have done weird things to my periods.  I can’t decide if I’m happy or homicidal about them.

1.  started a week early
2. none of my normal PMS symptoms (breasts never hurt, didn’t gain weight, didn’t get manic)
3. my skin hasn’t broken out… at all
4. uncontrollable rage/irritability started before my period and is continuing well into it.  In the past I’d get weepy and emotional before my period but it stopped once I started to bleed.  This is a new,  fun, could lose my job in the next week/Sir is going to kill me kind of development.

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