Ordinary Evening

So, two nights ago I wrote a technical manual about my relationship and the ways in which it is probably wildly different from the majority of people in relationships.  And I’ll write more about those specific differences in more detail in future posts.  But, tonight, I was thinking that despite the underlying framework of our relationship being so different, and the times when it manifests, we obviously look very different from vanilla relationships, it isn’t something that is just constantly manifesting.  We are really, on a daily basis, probably not very obviously different from anyone else.

So, to demonstrate, our evening tonight, which was quite an average weeknight for us.

I worked a little late and got home only shortly before Sir and sub brother.

We cooked chicken that we had dry rubbed this weekend and stuck in the fridge.  We made (cauliflower) rice with pecans.  I took my dog for a walk.  We watched some TV.  We ate dinner.  Sub brother cleaned up dinner, I threw a load of laundry in, Sir took out the trash and locked up.

Sub brother is in the bedroom reading.  Sir is in the office with me, reading.  I’m writing on my blog.

In ten minutes Sir and I will head into the bedroom and change clothes.  I’ll brush my teeth and take my evening pills (they both brush their teeth before going to the bedroom.)  We’ll read for about another half hour, then we’ll turn the lights out and sleep.

Tomorrow we’ll get up, we’ll dress, shower, pack lunches, eat breakfast, I’ll take a shit ton of pills, walk my dog, hug the boys goodbye and leave (I leave earlier than they do).  Sub brother will clean up the kitchen and then he’ll leave.  Sir will drink coffee and putter around the house for an hour, then he’ll leave.

And we will repeat.

We talk about our days.  We laugh.  We joke.  We argue (sometimes).  We disagree.  We debate. We play around.  We bemoan politics and appreciate beauty and we… live our lives.

I call Sir,  “Sir” in real life probably 75% of the time.  The other 25% I use his real name.  I call sub brother by his real name.  Sir calls me and sub brother by our real names 75% of the time, 25% of the time he’ll use “girl” or “boy” respectively.  Those are not derogatory names, they are… culturally D/s identities.  But the use of them doesn’t necessarily indicate that he’s activating more or less of our D/s relationship in that moment.  It’s fairly… non-indicative of mood or situation.

Our relationship exists, TPE, 24/7.  It just isn’t obvious 24/7.  Other than the names we call each other…  Maybe there is a little less discussion about some things (I’m not sure how vanilla people do certain things, which is silly, but I really don’t!)  We don’t discuss who will cook dinner or do the dishes.  We don’t discuss who will take out the trash or do the laundry.  But, I imagine that there are vanilla couples who just have those things already divided up, so the lack of discussion about it isn’t likely unique to our relationship.

Maybe there’s a slight indication in how Sir talks to us, sometimes.  Often he’ll say, “Go do the dishes, please.”  Which would seem superficially like a polite request (if an odd way to talk to a partner). It’s not.  It’s a command.  We all understand it as such and it isn’t something that is particularly negotiable.  He just says it politely.  And mostly we already know our jobs for the evening anyway.  Sub brother is almost never told to do his.  I almost always am…  :  Mostly because I procrastinate, or get distracted.

Sometimes it’s more along the lines of, “Dishes” and a firm point toward the kitchen.

And then I have to go do the dishes.

Polite or just a command… they both mean the same thing in our house.  And I guess that is likely different from most vanilla relationships (unless someone in the relationship is kind of an asshole.)

Sir will tell me, “Time for bed,” which is also a command.

Mostly I don’t argue or resist.

So our life looks pretty ordinary and there are only these small indications of the underlying structure that we live by.

Sometimes I’m even whiny and stomp my feet and generally flop around hating my chores and acting like a 2-year-old…  Mostly I still get them done without Sir having to go full on explicit D/s relationship… sometimes not.

But I think that’s the thing.  We’re always D/s, and always “full on” just sometimes it is visible, and sometimes… often… it is not… visible.

And it is not transferable.

If I am ever in another relationship, I have no idea if it will work the way this one does.  When I was with M… it was… different.  There was a lot more fragility and fear, much more rigidity and eggshells.  A post for another time.  But this relationship just feels like… life.  But I have no reason to believe another relationship, even a good one, wouldn’t also feel like life… but in a different way.

If anyone else in my life tried to exert dominance over me (without my consent), I’d be pissed off and respond accordingly.

But with these people, in this home, at this time, this is who we are and how we all fit together…

There are people who would hate us and fear us for who we are.

And I wonder about that when we’re all sitting eating our chicken and talking about who needs to buy gas in the morning and whether we need someone to pick up coffee creamer after work tomorrow…

We’re extremely extraordinary, and yet, extremely ordinary.

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