The Secret Place

Sir and I have been having arguments.  Which… sucks.  We don’t usually have arguments.  Or they are at least very one-sided if we do.  I argue.  He says no.  I argue.  He gets all dominant and makes my life miserable and I give up on arguing…  eventually.  He rarely argues BACK. But we’ve been having some arguments the last couple of days and…  I’ve been thinking about why that is happening and I think that our D/s relationship isn’t as solid in this arena and I think that Sir is struggling and… probably I’m not sure where I want it to be either, with knowing where our relationship is defined…

It’s only 7:45.  I’ve been falling asleep since 5.  I can’t even…  I’m giving up.  8 o’clock bedtime it is.

I know.  I am SO far behind!  In everything. I’ve been home for… two days?  Three days… ?  It was the most surreal experience…  I got on a plane on Tuesday afternoon.  Flew overnight… And arrived on… Tuesday evening.  It took me a couple of days to wrap my brain around that. I’m also struggling horribly with jet lag.  It’s worse than it was at the other end, which is weird, because the sun doesn’t even set until 10:30, and rose again at 4… where I was, but I adapted faster to that time change than I have to coming back home… despite normal daylight hours… So, I’ve been dragging…

I grew up a thin child.  I was extremely active, and my parents didn’t keep junk food in the house.  I didn’t think a lot about food one way or the other (besides how much I hated tuna and tamale casserole) until I was around ten years old. Then my dad, because he had problems of his own, became obsessed with my weight.  Not that I was fat, but that I would BECOME fat.  Now that’s a hard one to fight.  It’s “no, you’re not doing anything wrong, but you might in the future, so you have to be treated like a criminal now just in case.” My dad taped…

Well, I survived Stockholm. It wasn’t terrible.  And I got to meet Dice, so that definitely elevated the whole experience (and Dice is awesome, by the way).  I loved the two small towns in Sweden where we went first, but as far as big cities, Stockholm definitely didn’t live up to Copenhagen.  We saw a couple of cool things and a couple of meh things.  I wasn’t particularly sad to leave and I probably wouldn’t go back (except to see Dice). Copenhagen and one of the small towns in Sweden are definite return visit destinations. So today, we got up early and got on a train (for six hours) to…

I am in Stockholm tonight.  Not really, because I’m post dating all of these posts so that there isn’t a gap while I’m away.  I manage to write enough posts before I left that I had a daily post through 16 days of my trip, but of course, that left me with a 4 day gap to  worry about constantly.  So, it’s a Friday night.  I’m sitting here doing laundry in the hotel and conceding to anxiety and perfectionism.   Fortunately, I bought a keyboard just before I left.  It’s a bluetooth keyboard so I can sync it to my phone (other phone, tablet, etc.) and then type on the…