Sickerness

So walking pneumonia rapidly became ambulance ride and tubes in my arms pneumonia.  Terrific.  

And it wasn’t my fault!  I took the antibiotics and rested and drank fluids!  I didn’t bring it on!  The ER said that pneumonia is just like that…

I’m upright again now (lots more antibiotics and steroids later), but still not well, it’s been two weeks.  I’m done with being sick, I’m starting to feel (and act) like a giant two-year old.  Thus Sir has banished me to “go write a blog post!”  I’m not sure what he’s looking for, beyond just me not simultaneously crying and yelling at him.

I’m exhausted all of the time, and still coughing, and still running a low fever in the evenings, but overall feeling well enough that lying around all day (which is mostly what my energy level demands) is making me completely stir crazy.

Though, of course, when I try to get up and do anything, I get out of breath and exhausted and have to go lie down again.

I can’t run.  I can’t even go walking briskly.  Even yoga gave me coughing fits.  I’m not sure my mental state can survive my body being unable to exercise for much longer.  I run to keep myself sane… Lack of running is going to lead to serious consequences very soon.  That’s all I have to say right now, Sir.  I’m tired.  My lungs hurt.  My brain is empty.  There really aren’t thoughts in it right now.  Which is good, because, earlier my thoughts were all about M and how much I hate him for all the horribleness he caused… which is… so not helpful!  When is he going to get into his “In the Past” box and stay there for fuck’s sake?

Oh well, he’s not in my head right now.  I have anxiety, but it’s physical, not mental… my belly is all tight and I have hyper vigilance, but no thoughts.

I don’t see how this is helpful.  I could have been writing emails right now…

Stupid M… I’m really really pissed off at M right now.  No idea what brought that on.  Stupid pneumonia…  Why will none of the stupid things in my life ever just go away and leave me alone??

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