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Anxiety Girl!
This is basically me after I post on this blog… except I can’t, because digital, and… Sir doesn’t let me go back and delete everything every time I post…
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Broken Toys
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This Thing We Do – Shadow 101
Someone asked recently for me to write more about how my particular relationship works. Â Then I was talking to my therapist today about my relationship, and I got into a conversation about the… plane of intensity that my relationship occupies in terms of some general categorizing of BDSM or D/s relationship types – granting that human experience is infinitely diverse and cannot, actually, in any way accurately be categorized. So… Â since it’s all relevant in my mind tonight, Â here’s a top of my head FYI. I tend to categorize in my own head a difference between BDSM and D/s – not everyone differentiates the same way I do, but I…
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It’s a MIRACLE!
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Broken Toys
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Bumps in the Road
So… It was a pretty productive day. Â Everything I needed to get done got done, and I did a little resting and relaxing in between. Â But it wasn’t a super fast day… Â I just don’t spend whole days doing chores quickly. Â My brain doesn’t seem to be able to function that way, and usually I’m pretty good at celebrating days when I get a lot of things done (with a lot of breaks) because that didn’t used to happen. Â I used to get overwhelmed by one thing and have a meltdown and that was basically my day.
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Writing Ideas
I’m going to make this a sticky post so it will stay at the top of my blog all the time so I can add to it (and other people can throw things at it, too). Â Adele suggested that I create a set of “ready made” theme type ideas that I can write about when I’m stuck for writing. Â I like this idea and I’m going to start making a list for myself in this post. Â I’ll add to it as I get more ideas. Â If anyone has any ideas to throw out, feel free to put a comment. Â I won’t always add your idea to my list (I’m ridiculously…
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Social Media and Creativity
I’m already hating my year commitment. Â Clearly I was right and a week was way too long a commitment to make. Sigh. Today was an okay day… But I think I’m just done with the school year. Â I’m going to pretend that’s what’s going on and this isn’t a larger, systemic problem… I just realized I lost my water glass between the kitchen and the office… Â And this is my life. I found it in the bedroom. Â Apparently I very carefully (with a coaster, even) set it out on the bed stand in the room I was planning to NOT be in for the next hour. Â I’m sure sub brother…
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Kids…
So, a friend sent me a great idea today, she said (since I can’t manage prompts) maybe have some themed posts that I can fall back on like “Moments with Sir” that I kind of have going. Â Another of her suggestions was “Kids say the Darnedest Things” or something along those lines. I realized that I specifically avoid talking about my job or students on this blog because… I feel weird combining them with… my sex life. Â Which maybe is weird and paranoid. Â And, of course, I’m not combining them. Â They are two separate topics which both happen to exist as a part of my life. Yet I feel weird…
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Of Two Minds
I have to be quick tonight because I’m running late and only have fifteen minutes to write. I’m running late because a ridiculous number of incidents occured resulting in me not leaving work until 5 (I start at 7), coming home, eating dinner, then talking to my mom on the phone for an hour and a half… Which is fine… But it messed up my whole evening schedule. So, I asked Sir to exempt me from my writing tonight (he’s in lockdown over our routines lately after me freaking out so thoroughly – and it’s been helping… but still…) He contemplated it because… I have good reasons. I had a…
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Swallowing my Voice
Day 5 of my personal write every day challenge. Only 360 days to go…. I know that writing every day is supposed to be the only way to train your brain to write every day… on demand… because it becomes habit and ritual and expectation. But it sucks. I’m tired of it. Already. I feel like I have nothing to write. I tried to do a writing prompt (post set to private) and it was so miserable and contrived, I took an hour to write 6 lines… and I hate it (thus set to private) and I’m depressed. Apparently I just can’t write to prompts. At all. I feel like…
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Doubts (and Moments with Sir – Pockets)
Last night I said I would post my little moment with Sir. Today I actually was looking forward to it. I cleaned up the kitchen after dinner, got my tea, took my pills and came upstairs to write… And then I sat. I looked at Facebook. I looked at websites. I found a new header image for my blog. I… didn’t write. And when I thought about writing I felt so tired. And I finally realized I felt anxious. I’m so used to the feeling in my gut that sometimes it takes me a long time to realize its there… the tight, cold, clawing of anxiety. A very soft, insidious…