Presumption – Rant
There’s a phenomenon I have observed in the kinkyverse. Â In my observation it disproportionately (though not exclusively) affects men (of the dominant persuasion) rather than women (of the dominant persuasion), and it is one of those hot buttons that instantly makes me clench up and want to punch someone in the face. Â Fortunately, Sir has the same reaction. Â He wouldn’t have me if he didn’t.
Here is what it is.
A woman who presents as a submissive female (or sometimes even a switch), with a male dominant partner. Â Another male dominant will say to the male partner, “You know what you should do…” or “You know if she was MY sub…” and follows up with some suggestion of how the male partner should treat the female partner – it is usually sexual or “punishment” or something else that is obviously a turn on/fantasy of this third party male dominant. Â It’s usually delivered with a wink-wink-elbow-elbow boy’s club demeanor.
An example, there was a time when I was interacting with my dominant partner and we were goofing off and I was being a smartass (as I have wont to do), and Sir is fine with, we banter and both know our boundaries and can “read” when it is or is not a “right time.” Â Because, you know, we have a relationship. Â Another male dominant, ostensibly a friend of MINE, says to Sir (in a public forum), “She’s getting awfully sassy, you know what you should do, you should shove a finger up her butt, that calms them down REAL quick.”
The room went ice cold.
The ostensible friendship was ended with brutal efficiency. Â By me. Â Sir said nothing, but… if looks could kill…
We have had no further association with this man.
But the thing is, it happens ALL THE FUCKING TIME! Â I see it happen to other women, it’s happened to me, it is fucking normalized behavior. Â And people actually get authentically confused by the fact that it pisses me off. Â So here’s an explanation.
I find it repugnant.
Beyond repugnant.
Number one, the fact that I have a sexual or D/s or BDSM relationship with anyone DOES NOT make me an open market for lewd suggestions from every other man who stumbles into my sphere. Â You have NO MORE right to make “suggestions” about sexual (kink is sex!) acts being made on my body than you do to ANY OTHER WOMAN IN ANY CONTEXT EVER! Â And the exact amount of right that you have in any context is ZERO, you fucking asshole!
Number two, how fucking DARE you talk to my dominant about what he “should do” to me as if I’m chattel. Â My slavery to my Master is extremely personal and applies ONLY within our dynamic, to every other human being on this planet I am a human being, equal in authority, autonomy, rights, dignity, and value to every other one. Â Treat me like I’m furniture, I WILL shred your misinformed ass up one side and down the other. Â Fuck you!
Number three, this is almost exclusively a problem of male dominants, which implies to me that the cultural steeping of male superiority and misogyny has found a comfortable foothold in your crooked brain and while social pressure might (maybe?) keep a lid on that sense of entitlement outside of kink contexts, the second a woman identifies in your presence as “submissive” your sense of superiority flows freely from your mouth. Â Your sense of entitlement is flashing neon in the fact that you think you have ANY RIGHT to make ANY SUGGESTION about another person’s body, physical, emotional, or psychological spaces, or how they interact with their partner in intimate ways. Â What in the actual fuck makes you think you have that right? Â What gives you the idea that you GET an opinion? Â Oh, yes, male privilege, entitlement, and misogyny. Â Congratulations on being a unenlightened, malformed, troglodyte.
Your behavior is ignorant, malodorous, repugnant and morally reprehensible.
Slither back to the sewer you crawled out of.
