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Bad Week
It’s Friday night. Â Sir came home a little while ago with K and J. Â I got sent upstairs to do my blog. Â I’m irritated about that. Â And I’m irritated at the power dynamic in the house right now. Â I’m trying to tell myself that I’m projecting because I’m pissed off about a power dynamic at work. Â But I’m STILL pissed off at home, projection or no! And I’m pissed at K, which isn’t good. Â He and I can push each other’s buttons and… hey… I just realized I’m the only one besides his daughter that can really push his buttons. Â I’m not sure if that’s anything to be proud of.…
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Presumption – Rant
There’s a phenomenon I have observed in the kinkyverse. Â In my observation it disproportionately (though not exclusively) affects men (of the dominant persuasion) rather than women (of the dominant persuasion), and it is one of those hot buttons that instantly makes me clench up and want to punch someone in the face. Â Fortunately, Sir has the same reaction. Â He wouldn’t have me if he didn’t. Here is what it is. A woman who presents as a submissive female (or sometimes even a switch), with a male dominant partner. Â Another male dominant will say to the male partner, “You know what you should do…” or “You know if she was MY…
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Out of Fucks
I’m tired. Â Really really really tired. I had planned a part 2 for my Manic post from yesterday… but… Â I have run out of fucks to give, so it’s not happening. I’m also so out of fucks that I am sitting in front of this blog just pissed off and don’t know why I committed to writing. Â Why I even want to write. Â Or what the purpose is for me of doing any of this. Nobody cares.
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Helpless – SFD
“Lia…” I set my jaw stubbornly and swipe open the news story. Â People shot, politicians, at a baseball practice, government leaders reaching across the aisle to express sympathy, shared calls for unity and humanity. Sir has already warned me twice. Â I’m not to be on devices today. Â “No screen time,” he said this morning, “You can read, you can clean, you can write, you can lie on the couch and sleep, but no screens.” I had already broken the rule twice.
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Humanity
There was another shooting today. It’s just this thing we do here in the United States. You might expect this in, you know, a developing nation, a nation torn by warfare and civil strife, or… the United States. Currently the little news I’ve been given access to (Sir declared no screen time for the majority of the day) is celebrating how both sides of the aisle (Democrats and Republicans) and even the current president have been calling for unity, remembering our shared humanity, etc.
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Irritants…
First, if my brother brings up… in the last two weeks of the school year… one more time… how I’m so much better off than people working “other” jobs because I get summers off… There WILL BE BLOOD!!!!!!! Sir had to take the fucking phone away from me today while I was talking to my brother. Â He hung up. Â I had to go for a walk and do breathing exercises before I was allowed to even TEXT my brother back and say my phone had died.
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Shit Day…
That’s today. Â A shit day. Â I’m done. Â I was literally ready to quit my job by 8:00 in the morning. Â Thank God for my supervisor who must have sensed it in the force and stepped in to save my morning… Â Went to lunch feeling pretty good, then the afternoon went to all kinds of hell.
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Anger
Oh anger. I’ve been struggling lately with anger. I’m just angry all the time. And disillusioned and bitter and cynical and jaded. I feel inundated by the massive awfulness of the world and humanity and as if there is no point to anything because… human existence on a whole is just an inescapable welling mud that will drown us all – the good of us along with the bad.
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Sickerness
So walking pneumonia rapidly became ambulance ride and tubes in my arms pneumonia.  Terrific.  And it wasn’t my fault!  I took the antibiotics and rested and drank fluids!  I didn’t bring it on!  The ER said that pneumonia is just like that…
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Low Point
I know. Â Another disappearing act. Â I owe some people emails. Â I will try to get to them, but hopefully this will hold you all until I do.
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