• So… That happened…

    Yeah.  So.  Life was sucking.  Then a rapist bigot became the next president.  I’m sure there have been other rapist bigots in the white house… but none of them quite so openly unapologetic about it.  So… whole new world! 

  • Good News Sadness

    I got good news today.  About time, huh?  Cause we all know the universe OWES us and life is just one big math equation that eventually has to even out on both sides, right?  Yeah…

  • An Exercise

    My therapist says that I dissociate by going to my intellect.  I detach from my emotions and become extremely intellectual, chasing my own logical tail until my paws are bloody… I’ve written three posts in the last three days.  Every one turns into a rant.  And an intellectual tail-chasing. She says when I do that, I need to look at what I’m avoiding feeling. Why would I want to do that?  Clearly I’m avoiding it for a reason!  I say let nature do its thing and don’t mess with it! 

  • Scent of Memories

    I can still smell him.  It will hit me every so often, I’ll step into a room, or just turn in my chair, and I’ll smell him… his soap, his clothes, his shampoo… all of it that made him, uniquely him.  D shaves more regularly so he always smelled of his aftershave…  T smelled of his soap, I can’t describe it.  There’s still some of it in the upstairs bathroom, but I can’t bring myself to go in there…

  • Euthanasia

    Some times that decision is easier than others.  Some times you can look at a situation and it rips your heart out of your chest but you know there is, absolutely, without a doubt, no other course of action but to end it all…  Other times… there is doubt.  Those are the bitch of a times.

  • Depression

    Apparently this blog has become therapy for me.  Sorry to anyone who actually hoped I would write anything actually literary… I’m sad again. Well I’ve been sad, it never goes away, but tonight hope is fading again.  I can feel the depression coming, which is different from sadness.  It is.  Just…trust a lifetime’s intimate relationship with depression…it is a different flavor than sadness.