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Finding myself again
I cried in therapy today. Only a little. I didn’t think I could… I have this fear that if I let the pain too close it will break through the dam and it will be a tsunami of destruction, that I will never be able to pull it back again. But I let it out a little, portioned it, by teaspoons, and somehow I was able to pull it back again, even though a couple of times I felt it swelling up against the dam.
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Grief – Anaphora
Grief Grief Grief is shards of ice flaying my skin. Grief is a cold anchor tearing at my heart. Grief is a heavy shadow, curling round my spine. Grief is a keening shriek scraping on my ribs.
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Superstitions
I’m sad tonight. Not sad like a few nights ago, not sobbing sad, just quietly, tiredly sad. It’s starting to break all of us. Tonight I watched a grown man crumble, literally, his legs give out beneath him, fall to the ground on his knees and sob those wrenching sobs that steal your breath and make you wheeze. He is K’s partner. They have two children. They had talked about adopting a third.
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Links and Sorrow
I’m struggling. Some days I think I have hope, I feel the light, I know things will hurt and I also know I will survive and I will live and eventually I will thrive again. Then I have days… like today… when I can’t seem to stop crying. I hurt. Everywhere. I hurt, I hurt, I hurt. I sit down to write and I cry because I hurt and I don’t want to write and fail and be imperfect because that’s all I can ever do. So I sit and I cry on my journal and watch the ink run.
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Quote of the Day – August 12, 2012
Sorrows cannot all be explained away in a life truly lived, grief and loss accumulate like possessions. ~Stefan Kanfer
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Dying
These are the words of my best friend who has acute leukemia for the third time. He gave me permission to translate his words to English and to share them here.Â
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Quote of the Day – August 11, 2012
There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. ~ Winnie the Pooh
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Quote of the Day – August 6, 2012
I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being. ~Hafiz of Persia
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Monster
You called me a monster when you found out, found out that I like hurting men.
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Quote of the Day – August 3, 2012
There are places in the heart that do not yet exist; suffering has to enter in for them to come to be. ~Leon Bloy