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Schroedinger’s Rain
I wrote once about a conversation I had with Ryan about having a mental illness. Â He and I both have bipolar and PTSD and anxiety. Â I was talking to him about reality, about when you have a mental illness, it is like standing in the rain. Â You know it is raining. Â You can see the rain. Â You can feel the rain. Â You can smell the rain. Â You are soaking wet with rain and rain is dripping into your eyes. Â It is raining. Â And then someone comes up and tells you that it’s not raining. Â Now, you can see that this person is also getting rained on. Â It is raining. Â The…
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Black Holes and Porridge – Moments with Sir
As the time for my departure on an international trip approaches, my anxiety has risen to new heights of awesomeness. Â Combined with ruminating depression, I spent most of yesterday, and all night, obsessively thinking about the most horrific things that might happen while I’m away and was completely unable to stop thinking about them. Sub Brother has been struggling a little bit as well, though not at the level I am. Â But it’s enough that he’s becoming indecisive. Â He becomes anxious about making a choice and it causes him to freeze a little bit sometimes, even if the decision isn’t important. Sir frequently amazes me and… at the same time……
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Spirituality and Slavery – SJP
How does spirituality affect your slavery? Or does it? Have your spiritual beliefs made it difficult to balance your slavery? Or is it a natural extension? Is your spirituality separate from your submission? Or does it play a part? Time for another submissive journal prompt. My slavery and my spirituality are… complimentary. Â Or they are the same thing. Â Or, perhaps, my spirituality is all of what exists and so inevitably encompasses my slavery? Â But that’s kind of a cop out, so I’ll focus on the way that my slavery is a practice of my spirituality. I am a Buddhist, as in, I explore life through the questions and lessons proposed…
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Slider
I had a rough patch for a few days. Â Therapy went hard and I went into a spiral and for some reason (I’m sure therapy could explain it) I became almost intolerably self-critical for several days. And I know it’s easy for people to scold or dismiss my self-criticism. Â It’s easy to say, “You’re too hard on yourself,” or “Why are you being so mean?” or “Don’t do that…” The thing is, it’s a disease. And I think even I forget that too often. This week, when this hit me, I had an episode when I was putting on clothes (my ordinary clothes that I wear all the time) and…
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WHAAAT?
I GET TO MEET DICE!  SQUUUUEEEEEE! That is all. (for those who don’t know her…  Dice and also Dice)
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Prescriptivism – Part 2
Here’s the other half of my brain (more like a tenth, the first post on this topic was my majority thinking) on prescriptivism, or in other words, pompous language elitists. This is about my personal side of things, which is significantly less important than the social justice aspects, and so really barely qualifies as a gripe next to those. Â Nevertheless, some people won’t hear something from one direction, but will from another. This doesn’t happen frequently, but every so often I’ll get someone make some kind of complaint, or joke, or “observation” about the way I use language. I find this… generally… annoying, sometimes both annoying and hilarious. Here’s why.…
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Prescriptivism – Part 1
I recently found a most excellent quote on the Merriam-Webster Dictionary website. Many people object to the use of decimate to mean destroy, pointing out that the word originally meant “to reduce by one-tenth.” But this is incorrect: almost every word we use today has moved away from its root meaning. If you object to decimate, you should also make sure that literal is only used to mean “of, relating to, or expressed in letters,” and that’s literally ridiculous. This points to a phenomenon that comes up frequently in everyday interactions between people called “prescriptivism” though I’m sure that the majority of people employing it have no idea what that…
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Presumption – Rant
There’s a phenomenon I have observed in the kinkyverse. Â In my observation it disproportionately (though not exclusively) affects men (of the dominant persuasion) rather than women (of the dominant persuasion), and it is one of those hot buttons that instantly makes me clench up and want to punch someone in the face. Â Fortunately, Sir has the same reaction. Â He wouldn’t have me if he didn’t. Here is what it is. A woman who presents as a submissive female (or sometimes even a switch), with a male dominant partner. Â Another male dominant will say to the male partner, “You know what you should do…” or “You know if she was MY…
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Other People’s Blogs
So the problem with reading other people’s blogs about BDSM is… inevitably I will run across something that makes me crazy.  Probably because, you know, people.  But just recently I was reading a submissive woman’s blog and she had a “guest post” by a male dominant about what dominants need from their submissives. It was fine.  For him.  I’m sure. Of course, he didn’t phrase it as “This is what I need from a submissive relationship.”  He framed it as if this was the way to be a submissive.
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Protect the Property – SJP
I found some prompts for submissive journaling – Submissive Journal Prompts (SJP). Â I don’t know how often I’ll do one or even if I’ll manage to be mature enough to do more than one before I have a tantrum and refuse to write to anyone else’s demands (ahem, not you, Sir!) Â But, I’m giving it a try. This prompt came from a blog called Submissive Circle. Â I just found it on a Google search and don’t read it. Â It looks like it hasn’t been active for a while, but, hey, I know how THAT goes! Â But there are a few prompts that didn’t seem too horrible for me to mangle…