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Friendship
So this evening my BFF texted me (and I hopefully won’t share anything she doesn’t want shared…) Basically she just appreciated that I share on my blog but didn’t want to feel one-sided (sharing in our relationship) and shared some things in her life and thinking with me, and it was so… awesome… And we just texted for a while, but it was such a cool conversation to me. Part of me wants to say it was so “real” but that isn’t it… our conversations are always real. But… somehow it was just a slightly different realm than we usually chat in. And I appreciate all our realms, I was…
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The Broken Ones
I had a good day! I know, right? Â About damn time! So, first I had brunch in Boulder with my mom and my brother. Â Nobody said anything stupid and pissed-off making. Â And then we even went and shopped in Peppercorn (which is a stupid expensive awesome quirky housewares shop). Â I love Peppercorn! Then I came home and had dinner with the boys and K and J and their family. Â Then K and J came over here and we all hung out for the evening. Then S texted me on Facebook and we chatted, which was so unexpected and lovely. And now I’m actually feeling all smiley for the first time…
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Hacked!
So… Â my WordPress account was hacked and infected with malware. Â This led to it being shut down until I could correct the problem. Â I received the notification about a month ago and didn’t do anything about it (Sir says we’ll be discussing that later…) but I figured it wasn’t as if anybody was going to notice anyway. Â And I couldn’t really get up the enthusiasm to deal with it.
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End of an Era
I realize it’s been over a year since I posted here. Â I’ve been busy. Â I have a new job, though it’s now a year old. Â Today was the last day of the year, it’s summer break. I’m having a rough night from the drop… and from anxiety. Â But it’s happy anxiety in some ways. Â I trusted someone I work with. Â I’ve trusted him all year, he’s been kind and compassionate, fun, and always felt safe. Â Safe in the ways that… are intangible but so necessary to someone like me. Â He’s always felt safe. Â I doubt he knows or would understand if I told him, what that means or what it…
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He’s not your friend.
K skyped with me this afternoon briefly. When they can get into the city they get on skype, otherwise they email every week, which is nice, but sometimes it just feels like they’re so far away… Which they ARE.
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Good News Sadness
I got good news today. About time, huh? Cause we all know the universe OWES us and life is just one big math equation that eventually has to even out on both sides, right? Yeah…
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Finding myself again
I cried in therapy today. Only a little. I didn’t think I could… I have this fear that if I let the pain too close it will break through the dam and it will be a tsunami of destruction, that I will never be able to pull it back again. But I let it out a little, portioned it, by teaspoons, and somehow I was able to pull it back again, even though a couple of times I felt it swelling up against the dam.
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Superstitions
I’m sad tonight. Not sad like a few nights ago, not sobbing sad, just quietly, tiredly sad. It’s starting to break all of us. Tonight I watched a grown man crumble, literally, his legs give out beneath him, fall to the ground on his knees and sob those wrenching sobs that steal your breath and make you wheeze. He is K’s partner. They have two children. They had talked about adopting a third.
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Dying
These are the words of my best friend who has acute leukemia for the third time. He gave me permission to translate his words to English and to share them here.Â
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Quote of the Day – August 8, 2012
The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing… not healing, not curing… that is a friend who cares. ~ Henri Nouwen